


On Children

by annastronaut



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Arguments, Discussion of Children, Gen, Marriage, Married Life, mention of divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 12:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18010727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annastronaut/pseuds/annastronaut
Summary: Years later, he was able to pinpoint this as the exact moment his marriage ended- not three years down the road when he was called into a cramped office to sign divorce papers. But Peter B. Parker didn’t know that now, and he certainly didn’t know that he would later regret every moment of this night. All he knew right now was that he was very tired and that he regretted coming home at all.Or:  Peter and MJ and the children he isn’t ready to think about having yet.





	On Children

  
  


Peter B. Parker wasn’t too sure what the time actually was, but he knew it was late. He could tell by looking in through the bedroom window and seeing MJ lying on top of the covers, completely asleep. A book lay by her side, which meant that she had tried to stay up late for him by reading in bed again. Looking at her, Peter was glad for her peaceful presence after a long night spent watching a warehouse in Brooklyn for any kind of criminal activity. There wasn’t; it was just another dead end in his search for Sandman.

 

As quietly as possible, Peter slid open the window and tiptoed throughout the room taking off his spider suit, wincing when a boot hit the floor a little harder than necessary. Looking over, he saw that MJ hadn’t made any movement, and was relieved. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up before her alarm went off later that morning. 

 

Making his way to the bathroom he stripped off the last of his suit, leaving it lying on the floor, and made quick work of taking a shower as quietly as possible. Body beet red from the steamy shower, he could feel the heat radiating off of himself in the cooler air of their bedroom as he gently put MJ’s book on her nightstand and then slowly tried to slide into bed so he wouldn’t wake her up.

 

MJ, half asleep, turned over. “Peter? How long have you been home?”

 

Well, the plan of letting her sleep didn’t work, did it?

 

“Only a few minutes. Why don’t you go back to sleep?” 

 

She adjusted her position in bed so she was facing him, one arm curled up under her pillow and cradling it under her head. “It’s okay,” she sighed, nuzzling her face deep into her pillow. “I’m awake now.”

 

After a few minutes of silence, he knew exactly what she was going to say before she said it. “Peter,” MJ started, “have you given any thought to what I said earlier? About children?”

 

Panic filled his chest. If he was honest with himself he had left the apartment tonight hoping to get away from this conversation that MJ had been tiptoeing around having for the past few weeks. Tired of him ignoring all of her hints, earlier that day over dinner she had just come out and said “Peter, I think we’re ready to start trying.”

 

Peter knew that what he said now would make all of the difference in the world to her. He knew that this was important and a conversation they needed to have. But he also needed sleep and his body was sore from staying in one position for too long tonight. He settled on the most diplomatic thing he could say while putting off the conversation until later.

 

What came out of his mouth instead of that was, “MJ, I know that this is something you want, but I just don’t think we’re there yet.”

 

Before the words were done leaving his mouth he knew he had said the wrong thing and the tears starting to well up in MJ’s eyes were more than enough to let him know that he had made a mistake. 

 

“When do you think we’re going to be there?” she asked, looking into his eyes. “We’ve been together since we were kids, Pete. If you don’t think that after 15 years we’re ready then when will we be?” Sitting up she brought her pillow around and held onto it, “We’re in our thirties now. We don’t have that many years left for this. What if we missed our window of opportunity already?”

 

Peter just listened. He didn’t know what to say, and he told her that, adding, “You know we have more time than you think. Why push for this now?”

 

“I’m just ready,” she said. “I want to be a mom. You always said you wanted a family and here we are getting older by the minute. I’m tired of waiting to start the next chapter of my life.”

 

The truth was, Peter wasn’t so sure he wanted a family anymore. There was so much he saw every day that was wrong with the world and the thought of bringing someone so small and vulnerable into his hectic and chaotic life scared him. After burying May last summer, the only family he had left was MJ, and he was okay with that. She was his whole world and he couldn’t imagine living a day where he didn’t get to wake up next to her. If he was honest with himself, MJ was all the family he needed. And kids? Kids were needy, they were kind of terrible, and always sticky. They drove people apart. They cost so much money; if Peter and MJ couldn’t afford to get a better apartment, then could they really afford to have children at all?

 

But with his wife on the verge of crying and with feeling nothing but blind panic and claustrophobia here in his own home and in his own bed and being  _ so tired _ that he could hardly think straight, that’s not what he wanted to say. He knew that it was the complete opposite of what he should say. So it’s exactly what he did say.

 

Years later, he was able to pinpoint this as the exact moment his marriage ended- not three years down the road when he was called into a cramped office to sign divorce papers. But Peter didn’t know that now, and he certainly didn’t know that he would later regret every moment of this night. All he knew right now was that he was very tired and that he regretted coming home at all.

 

MJ started crying. Tears were running down her face and her nose stuffed up and made her sniffle. Her breath started hitching with sobs. What struck Peter the most in this moment was how someone could be so sad and have such anger in their eyes as they glared at him. Honestly, Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her so upset and angry at the same time. She looked like someone had murdered every single one of her loved ones. She looked like someone had murdered her children. The thought occurred to him that by feeling this way and saying those things, maybe he had.

 

He sat up so his back was against the wall and opened up his arms. MJ came crawling over to his side of the bed and onto his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, soaking his night shirt with her tears. Rubbing her back he made shushing noises and whispered in her ear that everything was going to be okay. 

 

After what felt like forever, long enough for his eyes to start dropping closed with sleep, she finally started to calm down. MJ leaned back, looking Peter in the eye, so close that all he could see were the wide pupils of her swollen green eyes in the dark. “This is important, Pete,” she insisted. “I’m ready to be a Mom.”

 

“I know,” he said. “I know. But before we can do anything else we need to sleep.” He patted her pillow. “Come on, let’s sleep on this and talk again in the morning with clear heads. You have to be up for work in less than three hours and you don’t want to be miserable all day. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?”

 

“Okay,” she mumbled, already starting to lie down, her back facing him. “I love you. We’ll talk more tomorrow, right?”

 

“Right.” Peter agreed, laying down with his back to her. “I love you too.”

 

MJ was already gone when he woke up the next morning, and Peter thought nothing of it. She always had early morning start times at her work, and she always liked to leave early enough to stop for a latte on her way there. When she came home, he was already out watching the same warehouse in Brooklyn for Sandman and his crew. 

 

That night, when Peter came home, he didn’t wake her up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, hi there! I watched Into the Spider-Verse and it GUTTED ME when I saw that one of the primary reasons that Peter B and MJ fell apart was over the decision to have children. Two hours later I found myself with the first thing I've written for fandom in the past decade. 
> 
> You can here me yelling mostly about Star Wars over on [Tumblr.](http://annastronaut.tumblr.com)


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